Sally Whacker #40oz

Straight outta Phoenix, this mean trailer park princess has a thirst for Jim Beam and straight brawling.  No one would have ever expected that Sally would end up with the rowdiest bunch of bitches west of the Cadillac Ranch, as she had such strong hopes to one day sing with the likes of Tiffany and Ms. Debbie F-in Gibson.  All day long she would practice her high notes and hip thrusting movements, knowing that this would one day pay off big.  She would skip school just to put together routines, and show off for the local trailer park security guards, Terrance and Jeeter.  Until one day… it happened.  Sally was preparing for her famous "I think we're alone now" performance.  The leggings were high, the neon colors were strong, and the smell of Electric Youth was even stronger.  Sally Whacker had no way of knowing that this scent was the smell of terror.  Halfway into the chorus, Sally Whacker realized that her, Terrance and Jeeter were indeed, not alone now.  Suddenly, Sally felt a strong pain in her shoulder and was thrown down, face first into the green gravel.  Being tossed about like a rag doll, she had no idea what was happening until she was rolled over, and saw her attacker.  Meatball!!!  The 82-year-old neighbors pit bull, Meatball was biting and clawing at Sally's neck. The Electric Youth had gone bad, and smelled of turkey and Mac n' cheese, thus attracting Meatball instantly. She couldn't get away, and Terrance and Jeeter had just opened a cold one, and weren't much help.  Finally, Meatball had satisfied his taste for blood and turkey, sort of, and left poor Sally Whacker lying there.

Needless to say, Sally Whacker was never the same. She would never be able to sing again, and would never be able to listen to her beloved idols or smell their perfume without flying into a rage. She knew the only life for her now was a life of smokin', drinkin' and breakin' into trailers. At least with the derby, Sally can release some of her frustrations and anger on other crazy women besides the residents of the Blue Moon Trailer Park.

The remnants of her dreams of becoming a pop idol can still be detected. If you look hard enough (or just visit the local dive bar on dollar Wednesdays), you can spot Sally Whacker. She will be the one in the back, dressed in pink and black, harassing the bartender.